Your recipe for masturbation is pretty simple: A bottle of lube, a
browser tab open to Xtube, and a five-finger grip deliver results in no
time flat. But female masturbation is a bit more complicated.
They can’t do it wherever they want, they don’t always care
about reaching orgasm, and they definitely aren’t flipping through Fifty
Shades as much as you’d imagine. So what happens behind closed doors?
Read on to discover the secrets of female masturbation.
She’s quicker without you.
On
average, women take longer to orgasm than men do. “For a woman’s nerve
endings to be stimulated and for the blood flow to get down into her
genitals, it can take up to 15 or 20 minutes of foreplay,” explains
Sadie Allison, Ph.D., author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris:
Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craves.
But she might be a
lot faster going solo than she is with you in the sack. That could be
because she’s more focused on her own pleasure (instead of yours) or
because she knows exactly what she wants. “Many women can be there in 2
to 3 minutes on their own, but will take 10 or more—or can’t get there
at all—with a partner,” says sex expert Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex
Yourself, a book about women’s masturbation.
She doesn’t do it quite as often.
When
you wake up with morning wood, there’s a decent chance you’ll give
yourself a tug before the day is over. According to research, 25 percent
of men masturbate at least 3 times per week, and 55 do it at least once
a month. But for women, those stats are considerably lower: Only 10
percent of ladies report pleasuring themselves three times per week, and
38 percent go down below once a month.
How come? She might see self-pleasure as more of a production,
not just a quick rub-and-go activity. It could also be because of the
stigma associated with female masturbation, which can follow many women
into adulthood. “Most boys begin before they’re 10,” says Jansen, while
“women start later, often in their 20s.”
She preps differently.
“Men
can be in a dirty gas station bathroom and rub one out,” says Allison,
but for the fairer sex, environment is everything. Maybe she pulls out a
special lubricant, lights a few candles, or draws a bath before
starting self-pleasure. “A lot of women need their heads to be there,
and if there are any distractions whatsoever, that can throw them off,”
she says.
Her touch is softer.
When you masturbate, you’ve
got a firm grip, your fingers are clenched, and you stick to a rough,
up-and-down motion. Women, on the other hand, tend to be slower,
gentler, and more subtle.
“Think about if you had an eyelash in
your eye and you were trying to rub it out,” says Allison. “You’d pull
your eyelid back and gently use your fingertip to rub around. That’s how
soft you should touch a woman’s clitoris. Yes, that soft.”
The
clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the head of the penis, so
it’s super-sensitive to even the softest touch. Some women like it
rougher—and they’ll tell you if they do—but most need to be eased in
gently before they can stand too much contact with their clitoris.
She explores her whole body.
While
you pretty much have just one tool at your disposal, she likes to make
masturbation a full-body activity. “Women tend to stimulate the whole
body more—the neck, breasts, arms, and labia,” explains Jansen. She
might massage her nipples or inner thighs first before settling on her
genitals. Comparatively, “men are generally okay with the beginning,
middle, and end focus on the penis,” Jansen says.
She doesn’t always care about orgasm…
This
might be the biggest difference of them all. When you masturbate, you
probably have a clear goal in mind: bust a nut or bust. “But for a lot
of women, whether you get there or not isn’t the key,” says Allison.
Some women are satisfied with their self-pleasure well before orgasm
occurs, or regardless of whether there’s a climax. “It’s more about
taking time for yourself and giving to yourself in a pleasurable way,”
she says.
…But when she does, she’s going for seconds.
When you ejaculate, it creates a huge physical release.
“It
takes a lot of energy for the body to actually push all of that fluid
from the prostate, through the spiral tubing, then through the
testicles, up and out of the penis,” explains Allison. “That’s why when
[men] are finally done, it’s over. They’re like, ‘Whew, I need a nap.’”
Women’s
orgasms are physical, too, but they don’t have the same “refractory
period” after climaxing, which makes it more likely for them to go for
multiple rounds. So while some women aren’t necessarily vying for orgasm
at all, others don’t stop at just one. Lucky ladies.
